Three Freedoms

Three freedoms that we can have.  As we live out sexual integrity and we minister to other's sexual integrity, these three freedoms become part of our lifestyle.

I use a simple way to define where I live life from. I look at the choice Adamkind had in the Garden of Eden and, for me, it helps define where my life is being lived from. The two trees in the center of the garden were, “The tree of life” and “the tree of the knowledge of good and evil” (TOTKOG&E). For me these freedoms come from living from the tree of life which is embodied in Jesus Christ. It's life at the cross. The place where Triune's mercy swallowed up shame. I lived life from the other tree for decades, gaining knowledge and learning to judge myself, others, and situations based on this knowledge alone. Using it as a cloak to hide the deep shame I had from a hidden, broken life.

Living from the TOTKOG&E I lived by my appearance being changed from the outside, adorning myself with a certain persona, but it never quite reached into the deepest parts of me.

Living from the Tree of Life, my changes begin from within and emerged out. The deepest part of my life going through transformation to this very day.

Freedom from performance

I am defined by one thing-- the cross.

Christ uncovered the full depth of my sin and the full horror of God's judgment of my sin at the cross. All of God's righteous judgement and all of God's love met at the cross. It is because of this I am the righteousness of God in Christ Jesus. This is who I am. God has bestowed upon me unsurpassed value and worth. There is no performance based activity that could add any more to who I am. When leading other men into healing of sexual brokenness this is a core value I live out and impart. When I lived my life not knowing that it is God's unsurpassable worth that defined me then I had to perform to have worth.  But in Christ, in Him who gave all, I have this amazing gift of worth that cannot be added to and cannot be taken from me.

Each leader has an opportunity to create a community that embodies this.

Paul's advice to the people of the Galation church spells it out-

Gal. 5.6

NIV- For in Christ Jesus neither circumcision nor uncircumcision has any value. The only thing that counts is faith expressing itself through love.

Message- For in Christ, neither our most conscientious religion nor disregard of religion amounts to anything. What matters is something far more interior: faith expressed in love.

Freedom from hiding

I know this about myself. The depraved life I lived was so great that Jesus had to die to pay the price I owed for that life. I also know that the brokenness that still is being worked on in my life demands the same payment. Jesus covered my tab on this. All I owe is reconciled. One of the big differences between the past life I lived and the way I live now is that I don't need to hide this brokenness with my knowledge of the bible, my "great personality", my seemingly loving way with people.

When performance is dropped, the members of a community get to know the best and the worst about each other.  When shame is swallowed up by mercy there is no longer a need to hide. Freedom from performance, the first freedom I mentioned, allows me to step into this. In my past life I appeared as “the Great and Powerful wizard of Oz” all the while hiding behind the curtain living my life in a little cubicle frantically pulling levers and pushing buttons to keep everyone’s attention on the image of my own making. I had this frantic skill perfected.... and I was always worn out from the effort.

God was the first to be vulnerable; He tore the dividing curtain of the temple from top to bottom when Jesus died on the cross. 

Please, read that again. Let it sink in... God was vulnerable first... His presence could no longer be contained in an ark. I can do the same. Since who I am is defined by Triune God, I have come out of hiding. I have learned that my life is much bigger than the cubicle I hid in for decades. My very life has become a “place of meeting” where I encounter Triune God and always have the opportunity to come away changed by the encounter.

Freedom to heal

When freedom from performance is realized and freedom from hiding is lived out then there is an opportunity to have freedom to heal. Opportunity means it's not automatic. Opportunity means I'm given a choice to act upon.

 A community where performance and hiding have ceased is a place to heal. Emotional wounds that are concealed, can never be healed. Once I feel safe enough to reveal my innermost pain I am able to deal with it. But it requires a place that is free from judgment. If a collective group's life is dominated by living from the TOTKOG&E then the members of that group will be inclined to live in performance mode, not daring to be vulnerable enough to risk exposing their shame.

Members may even appear to be getting better, but their performance is just being stepped up to keep who they think they are, in hiding. It can be a place of festering instead of healing. As leaders we carry into our ministry community the value of unconditional love first, opening men up to the Tree of Life, to God who bestows his unsurpassable value and worth upon all of us. It looks like this; we are the first ones to share our “scary stuff”. Raw vulnerability is reciprocated.  Unconditional love is our first value. In my life, all ministry is defined by this. It gives freedom to heal.

These are both some initial steps in healing and continuing steps to a sustaining the intimate life with Triune God we are designed to live. I ask myself regularly; Am I hiding. Am I performing. I am giving myself an opportunity to continue the healing. I ask my closest friends, the persons who I can share my “big scary” stuff with to ask this of me too. As important as these are in my life, if they are not done in community, they cannot be sustained. Wounds in life drive us to be solitary. A solitary life makes it easier to cover up the shame brought on by wounds and sin. At the same time, we were “knitted together” by God with relationship with others as a healthy need in our lives. 

Here’s the big push- trying to live a solitary life in a life that demands relationship. Every form of sexual compulsion has this at it’s core- It’s an attempt to meet the need for relationship/intimacy in ways that do not expose us to others. The cure is the antithesis of this lifestyle; vulnerable relationship with another person.

As sexual integrity leaders we can create this community, this space for vulnerability, so others may be free from performance and hiding and free ­to heal. We “create” this by living this in our lives. Our first calling is to walk these steps out. Our most powerful lesson taught is by being examples.