When your gift becomes the driving force in your life then it is no longer subject to you but you are subject to the gift. It's an unhealthy dynamic that strengthens any brokenness in a person's life.
A driven life, many times, points to a life that has brokenness mastering it. Brokenness will attach itself to a gift. It becomes a place of hiding for the brokenness and, at the same time, empowering the brokeness more with a possibility of causing even greater harm. It’s a life that is driven in a direction that will seemingly satisfy an overwhelming desire or want or need in a life. Much “ministry” is lived out this way. What seems like acts of service to others is really a need to have worth or value. Or a need to belong to something, in church circles it could be to be a part of a revival or feeding program or mentoring, maybe a healing ministry, etc…These are great pursuits but a person driven to pursue these may actually be driven to fill a void in their own life by these pursuits. Then, instead of ministering life to others, they pull life out of the ministry for themselves in order to fill a void. This void can only be healed from the inside out by healing their own personal brokenness. A person who is driven in this way will eventually lose friends, co-laborers, and other significant relationships in their life. It is hard to quantify in hard terms but usually those who relate to them (the driven person) find the relationship more and more difficult to continue. Outward signs could be mounting disagreements, poor attitudes, inconsistencies in habits and words. When problems arise it is usually perceived as being there because of an outside situation or another person’s fault. There is a stronger and stronger propensity in the driven person’s mind to prove they’re right. They perceive their gift as their identity. But it is a gift given to them, not who they are.
Once the transition has taken place and their identity and gift are perceived as one in the same then character becomes eroded, relationships which include mutual submission are carved up and a very lonely disconnected life emerges. The gift makes room for "ministry" but it cannot be sustained without vulnerability and relationship. It is a desperate life of contradictions and bitterness. I was this person for many years. Always recognized as gifted but unwilling to lay down my own brokenness and discover my true identity. It's been amazing to be free of that life. To have significant people in my life that care enough to keep me humble and loved. I am grateful for gifting. I am even more grateful that gifting is a tool that can be used when needed and then put back in the tool chest. It is not who I am and it is subject to me as I am subject to Triune God. But, I am most thankful for the many, many relationships in my life that are not tainted by unchecked brokenness and are full of grace to continue the process of becoming- for me and for the others I am in relationship with.
If you've read this and have felt "pushed" as you read it. Or, you relate to any of the frustrations of living as I did please know that there's grace to change and the transition is worth all the effort it make take to walk out those changes. There is but one life we each are privledged to live. You can choose to live it intentionally, the best way possible, or, since life doesn't stop, it will "live you".
A driven life, many times, points to a life that has brokenness mastering it. Brokenness will attach itself to a gift. It becomes a place of hiding for the brokenness and, at the same time, empowering the brokeness more with a possibility of causing even greater harm. It’s a life that is driven in a direction that will seemingly satisfy an overwhelming desire or want or need in a life. Much “ministry” is lived out this way. What seems like acts of service to others is really a need to have worth or value. Or a need to belong to something, in church circles it could be to be a part of a revival or feeding program or mentoring, maybe a healing ministry, etc…These are great pursuits but a person driven to pursue these may actually be driven to fill a void in their own life by these pursuits. Then, instead of ministering life to others, they pull life out of the ministry for themselves in order to fill a void. This void can only be healed from the inside out by healing their own personal brokenness. A person who is driven in this way will eventually lose friends, co-laborers, and other significant relationships in their life. It is hard to quantify in hard terms but usually those who relate to them (the driven person) find the relationship more and more difficult to continue. Outward signs could be mounting disagreements, poor attitudes, inconsistencies in habits and words. When problems arise it is usually perceived as being there because of an outside situation or another person’s fault. There is a stronger and stronger propensity in the driven person’s mind to prove they’re right. They perceive their gift as their identity. But it is a gift given to them, not who they are.
Once the transition has taken place and their identity and gift are perceived as one in the same then character becomes eroded, relationships which include mutual submission are carved up and a very lonely disconnected life emerges. The gift makes room for "ministry" but it cannot be sustained without vulnerability and relationship. It is a desperate life of contradictions and bitterness. I was this person for many years. Always recognized as gifted but unwilling to lay down my own brokenness and discover my true identity. It's been amazing to be free of that life. To have significant people in my life that care enough to keep me humble and loved. I am grateful for gifting. I am even more grateful that gifting is a tool that can be used when needed and then put back in the tool chest. It is not who I am and it is subject to me as I am subject to Triune God. But, I am most thankful for the many, many relationships in my life that are not tainted by unchecked brokenness and are full of grace to continue the process of becoming- for me and for the others I am in relationship with.
If you've read this and have felt "pushed" as you read it. Or, you relate to any of the frustrations of living as I did please know that there's grace to change and the transition is worth all the effort it make take to walk out those changes. There is but one life we each are privledged to live. You can choose to live it intentionally, the best way possible, or, since life doesn't stop, it will "live you".
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