3 Elements of Personal Recovery That Are Life Changing

3 Elements of Personal Recovery That Are Life Changing

1- Compassion 

Compassion is defined as an “empathetic response to the suffering of another.”

The question is, “How does this apply to an addiction crisis? If I can’t stop my addiction activities, then how does another’s compassion help?”

The compassion that needs to be experienced is “self-compassion”. Going into the recovery process, a struggler is highly critical and judgmental towards who they are. They may be angry at themselves or see themselves as complete failures. They will become self-loathing of themselves as others talk about their shortcomings and their lack of self-discipline. Their own "self-talk" adds to this loathing. There comes a time where this self-loathing will play out in their mind and heart through actions that are harmful to themselves and/or others.

Self-compassion is the realization that there’s a lot of pain and suffering in your life and, just maybe... there is another way to handle the pain and suffering. Also, attacking yourself for what looks like a lack of character, control or concern is not the way to deal with the addiction. The recognition of your suffering without attaching blame and self-loathing allows a struggler to see that they need to have mercy on themselves. 

Beating yourself up only increases the intensity of the addiction. In my addiction, I would berate others who tried to help me. This push-back separated me from getting the help that was needed to fight for my life. A portion of recovery is lived in community with others. But community living begins with having enough compassion for yourself that you can “do life” with yourself first.

2- Mercy

Mercy means “withholding punitive judgment in thought word or deed.”

Self-compassion opens the door in a strugglers life to have mercy on themselves. It is key to understand that when a person judges their life or behaviors that this judgment should NOT be punitive. I break it down like this;

        

We live in a western culture that has laws and court systems that try to fairly judge a crime based on the facts. If found guilty of a crime, the defendant will be convicted and then a judgment will be pronounced. The judgment in our culture is one of determining the punishment. Punishment for a crime addresses only the person who committed the crime. The perpetrator is punished. The offended may be left still offended.

The Old Testament law had an element to it that was redemptive. Today, as believers, living after Christ’s resurrection, we can experience the redemptive judgment of God. Redemptive judgment has a purpose to take that which is wrong and make it right for both parties involved. 

For example, If I broke into my neighbor’s house, stole his TV and then was caught and judged for it, I would be required to replace the TV (with one that is new and better). I would promise not to steal anymore and ask for forgiveness directly. My neighbor would then receive the redemption requirement from me and would forgive me of the debt incurred through redemptive judgment. I would no longer be indebted for my crime. There are possible other consequences with Redemptive judgment. It will take time to restore trust, my reputation will need to be rebuilt. There may be consequences but not punitive judgment. Redemptive judgment is a complete transaction.

This is a very simplified example, but it does reflect where mercy needs to be. 

A strugglers self-mercy takes away self-punishment. 

It begins to change the self-loathing lifestyle. The inner voice where a struggler constantly berates themselves is quieted down. Fits of rage will be reduced and reactions to situations may become responses with some healthy thought behind them. Mercy withholds the automatic self-punishment that is part of an addictive lifestyle. It allows for the possibility of redemptive judgment.

3- Grace

Grace means “unmerited divine ability for regeneration.”

The “divine ability” for regeneration is recognized as a possibility for a struggler when the struggler has begun to have compassion and mercy for themselves.

Before compassion and mercy are lived out in a struggler’s life grace is just a concept that can’t be realized. There will be an academic understanding of grace, but not a way to experience it personally. A lack of compassion for oneself reinforces a lie that is seen as truth. The lie is, “I am not worthy.”

There’s also the mercy element that comes before experiencing grace. If a struggler knows that they are not worthy of compassion, then it is certain that they are not merciful on themselves about their activities or lifestyle. They will judge who they are and act out punitively against themselves. Often this also punishes the people in their lives that are closest to them. Without seeing through the lenses of compassion and mercy they are not truly aware of the effect their actions have on others.

When a struggler has begun to have self-compassion and mercy on themselves then the grace that is available to them (it is available to all who call upon God through Jesus) is seen as a reality.

But a struggler’s heart that remains unchanged will see the grace-gift as a platitude from one who thinks they are superior and it becomes an act of self-shaming to receive it. Though the giver is Jesus and without reproach, the filters of a struggler can never accept a gift as “just a gift”. They see any gift as something with strings attached that will eventually cost them something. In my own struggle with addiction, when I understood compassion towards myself was needed I had a major breakthrough.

In one sense they are right about a cost. The biggest cost a struggler fears is the risk of exposure. Grace will expose. God’s grace regenerates in the light, not in the dark. But since the delivery system of grace is unconditional love, the redemptive nature of grace begins as the darkness is pushed away. If self-compassion and mercy are not at work within a struggler’s heart, then the cost is too match to fathom.

A struggler who has embraced self-compassion and mercy will find that this grace exposure will bring freedom, not unmitigated condemnation. The price of condemnation has been satisfied. The gift of Grace brings life. 

As risky as it first sounds there is a willingness to receive grace when a strugglers heart is being changed by self-compassion and mercy. I found in my recovery that self-compassion and mercy attracted the same from others. I began to cautiously build relationships with those who knew the struggle. Their compassion and mercy towards me reinforced the change of heart I was experiencing. Community was being formed and my recovery was moving forward. It felt very risky at first. As I experienced “unmerited divine ability for regeneration” in my own life I began to experience recovery, renewal, and redemption that was sustainable.

Regener8 Mentoring